Sometimes I just lay in my bed. Thinking about you. Thinking about the moments where we were together physically. The things we did. They always bring a smile to my face. I always fall asleep thinking about you and wake up exactly the same. Thinking about you and only you. Theres no other person I’d rather be with except you. I miss you so much. I want to see you again. Its been 3 weeks since I’ve last seen you. Everyday I just can’t stop thinking about you. 

Today, I woke up at 6:30AM. I woke up to the sound of Attack! Attack!’s the wretched blaring into my right ear. I got up real quickly and I turned off my laptop and my iPhone. I don’t know why I set both on to wake me up. I looked at my phone and I had a new text from Sunya and some other person. I answered to both and then I just sat on my bed. It was really quite this morning I have no idea why. I opened my laptop again and I checked tumblr for anything new. No new messages, but 5 new followers cool. I then just decided to take a shower, by that time it was 6:45 so I had to hurry because Brandon was going to pick me up early. I finished showering, got dressed, I just put on some jeans a white v-neck and my red H&M sweater. Brandon still wasn’t here so I called him 3 times. No answer. So I fell asleep. This is where… everything just seems to just turn for the worse. I had a dream. It was more of a nightmare. A nightmare that I’ve already had before. I dreamt that I was at a party and I was talking to the person that I’m dating. We were sitting on a black leather couch in a white room with other people there. I don’t remember what we were talking about, but she was laughing. I was laughing too smiling. I was really happy, I could tell. We stopped laughing for a moment and she just laid her head on my shoulder. I love it when she does that. My hand was entwined with hers. I remember feeling her, holding my hand tight. I got up to get drinks for both of us. I don’t remember what exactly it was or how I even got ahold of them, but when I came back she wasn’t there. I remember placing the cups on some black mahogany table. I started looking for her. I looked through every room in this building. I searched everywhere and I couldn’t find her. I looked and looked, but nothing. I remember seeing myself in the third person just standing there by myself. I had never felt so alone. I woke up before the dream could end. I woke up sweating profusely, short breathed, and just sad. I don’t know why. I had a hard time breathing. I felt like I was having a panic attack. It scared the shit out of me. I realized my hand was vibrating, I still have my iPhone in my hand. It was Brandon telling me to be outside in 4 minutes. I got up quickly and packed up all my shit. Its 11:22AM now and I still feel sad. I hate having this dream. Its happened multiple times with different people. I’m just really scared of losing you. I’m scared to death of losing you to be honest. I’ve never met anyone as amazing as you. No other girl that I’ve dated can compare to you to be honest. When I’m around you I lose my breath and my heart just starts beating faster. I get nervous because I’m scared I might fuck something up. When we first kissed, I was a nervous wreck. Our first, date I was nervous as hell. As time passed though I became relaxed… I felt comfortable with you. That was an amazing day. The bands were great and all, but nothing could compare to the feeling of being with you. When I’m around you I just feel happy. Like everything is bliss. I love going to see you. When we just walk around the city, without no destination, we always have fun. We’re not sure what were looking for, but we always find happiness. 

I feel like shit because I know theres nothing I can do from where I’m at.